L2H3 hashing in CornwallLooe & Liskeard Hash House Harriers
Cornwall UK
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Written for inclusion in the evening entertainment celebrating our 2000th run:

 

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

DEARLY BELOVED HASHERS, I BEG YOU, PLEASE BE STILL,
I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM ABOVE – LISTEN UP IF YOU WILL.
HERE ARE YOUR TEN COMMANDMENTS, AS DECREED BY ME
TO BE RELIGIOUSLY OBEYED BY YOUR CLUB, L2H3.

 

 

 

THOU SHALT LOVE THY FELLOW HASHERS AND TREAT THEM WITH RESPECT,
ESPECIALLY THE MISTRESSES, THE MASTERS AND ON-SEC.
PRAY FOR YOUR HARERAZOR, A TEDIOUS JOB ALAS,
EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY FEEL HE'S A PAIN IN THINE OWN ASS.

 

THOU SHALT SINCERELY WELCOME VIRGIN HASHERS TO YOUR FOLD,
WHETHER THEY BE SHORT OR TALL OR FAT OR THIN OR OLD.
GIVE THEM MUCH ENCOURAGEMENT, PRAISE THEM WITH APLOMB,
DON'T LET THEM BE OFFENDED BY THY BROTHER, WHINGEING POM.

 

beerHONOUR THY RELIGIOUS ADVISER, SENT TO EARTH BY ME
TO WORK AS MY DISCIPLE – TREAT HIM REVERENTLY.
HE'LL CONTROL YOUR MISDEMEANOURS - THE PUNISHMENT? - IT VARIES,
A YELLOW HASH PRAT T-SHIRT, PINT OF BEER OR TWO HAIL MARYS.

 

WHEN THOU GOEST IN THE WILDERNESS TO LAY THY LATEST RUN
SEEK OUT LUSH GREEN PASTURES – ANY TARMAC YOU MUST SHUN.
THINE DROPS SHALL BE QUITE PLENTIFUL AND PLAIN FOR ALL TO SEE,
OBTAIN YOUR FLOUR FROM MORRISONS – BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE.

 

GUIDE THY FELLOW HASHERS AS THEY ATTEMPT THE TRAIL,
GIVE THEM MUCH ENCOURAGEMENT, PLEASE DON'T LET THEM FAIL.
PROVIDE THEM WITH SOME SUSTENANCE, WHICH GENERALLY MEANS
FORGET THE MILK AND HONEY, THEY PREFER SOME JELLY BEANS.

 

 

 

THOU MUST NEVER CHEAT UPON A HASH BY TRYING TO SHORTCUT.
LIKEWISE, DO NOT CRITICISE – KEEP THY BIG GOB SHUT.
DO NOT RUN THROUGH ANY CROPS OR CLIMB OVER A GATE.
BROTHER HORNBY, THIS MEANS YOU – PREPARE TO MEET THY FATE.

 

 

WHEN THOU COMETH TO A CHECK, SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND,
REMEMBER LESSER MORTALS WHO ARE STRUGGLING BEHIND.
GUIDE THEM ON THEIR JOURNEY, BE IT SHORT OR LONG.
AS YOU FOLLOW THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, REMEMBER TO CALL ON.

 

beerWHEN YOUR HASHING QUEST HAS ENDED AND YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR GOAL
THOU MUST NAVIGATE YOUR CHARIOT TO THE WATERING-HOLE
WHERE, AS YOU SEEK SOME COMFORT BY A FIRE OF BURNING LOGS,
THOU WILT DRINK SOME AMBER NECTAR OR A PINT OF BETTY STOGGS.

 

WHEN THOU COMETH TO PAY THY DUES, DON'T SHORT-CHANGE THE HASH CASH.
IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GO HUNGRY AS HE'S ALSO THE HASH MASH.
THOU WILT BUY A RAFFLE TICKET – I COMMAND THIS EVEN THOUGH
THE RAFFLE PRIZES ARE ALL CRAP – YE SHALL REAP WHAT YE SHALL SOW.

 

IF THOU RECEIVETH A DOWNDOWN SWALLOW IT WITH PRIDE
FOR AS IT REACHES YOUR STOMACH YOU WILL FEEL A GLOW INSIDE.
I IMPLORE YOU, DON'T COPY GASBAG, THIS REALLY IS WELL MEANT
AS HE DOTH WORK AT DERRIFORD AND HAS A TRACHEA STENT.

 

DEARLY BELOVED HASHERS, AS GOD HAS BEEN YOUR WITNESS
I FEEL THAT YOU'LL AGREE WITH ME THAT HASHING'S IMPROVED YOUR FITNESS.
WHEN YOU KNOCK ON THE GATE OF ST PETER, MY COMMANDMENTS HAVING BEEN MASTERED,
YOU'LL BE MET WITH THE HOLIEST OF GREETINGS – WELCOME YOU FAT HASH BASTARD!

 

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